Where is your CV?

Its 1.48am and i have just finished updating my CV. It has taken me 5 months to complete it. So as i sit here feeling a sense of accomplishment i ask myself - Why the f*&k did it take so long???

From September 2008, i have had a growing sense of unease about markets and the real economy. My fears are starting to be realised. In my previous entries, i wrote about asset values falling and this has happened and it will continue to fall as long as the real economy fails to adjust to the new reality - CREDIT will not help.

What i feared the most was a massive contraction in exports and a standstill in production. This is now happening and Malaysia will face some serious negative numbers in the coming quarters. Unfortunately our politics dominates our leader's time and so many are going to be surprised by the speed of our downturn. One friend in the finance industry in Malaysia told me that he was glad that he was not in manufacturing and was in the finance industry due to the massive losses in manufaturing. This shocks me. The finance industry is an intermediary. It survives and grows because of the real economy (the years of financial engineering as a tool of growth is over as it should be). Watch as the next round of cuts in the next 3 months actually hit the service sector.

Knowing all of this and praying i am wrong - i ask myself - what do i need to do? And the answer is always the same - expect the worst, hope for the best...and BE PREPARED.

I have been focused on the financial aspects of being ready and my wife and i are striving hard to not only cover our expenses for 2009 but also 2010. BUT, thats not enough. I met a fellow banker in Singapore and on Monday, he was talking to his boss, on Wednesday his bank reported shocking numbers and on Friday he was made redundant. He had expected the worst but he was not PREPARED emotionally nor had he a plan to work from.

I met him on Monday and he told me that he had a feeling of grief and despair wash over him thru that weekend. On Sunday he woke and said i cannot let this keep me down as i have a wife, a daughter and a son. When i met him, he had a briefcase with him and he said it was full of printed CVs. Luckily, he had some internal jobs to interview from but it was a humbling experience. He proudly told me how his wife had immediately started taking action - renegotiating their lease and other measures. They both were an inspiration.

So even after this, i had asked myself what i need to do and the answer again was be prepared. In my case, moving jobs at a time like this is a risky proposition as most banks in my opinion will continue to cut head counts as economies continue to get worse. BUT, i knew i needed to know what options are out there to ensure that when the time comes, i have a plan of action. So the answer was obvious - update my CV, send it out and see what options are available if any. Be prepared.

So again, as i sit here, i ask myself why has it taken so long for me to update my cv. The simple answer is i was floating along with no direction, no plan and more importantly - i was emotionally not prepared to contemplate change when i had given so much of myself in these last 3 years.

Then tonight as i lay in bed with my wife, she asked me about my work situation and i expressed the worst case scenario that could happen. As i spoke all i wanted was for her to listen BUT she (as usual) immediately focused on the plan of action that needed to be done and asked me - 'Where is your CV?'. I was irritated, and as most married couples will tell you, that is the worst and best time to discuss issues. It was the worst because she innocently said "We all came here because of you". Anger coursed through me even as i knew that she had not meant it badly as i needed an outlet. In my anger, i grabbed my laptop, my iPod from my shelf and went out to the hall. I plugged my iPod into my player in the hall. I set up the laptop but realised i needed the charger. I went back in and being calm i went over to my wife, kissed her and she asked where you going and i replied "To finish my CV".

And so its 2.15now and i have finished my CV. Feeling this sense of calm knowing that i have now a plan in motion, i feel a great sense of gratitude to my wife. She infuriates me, she motivates me.

I am not advocating changing jobs for everyone but as we go into this period of great uncertainty i hope everyone gets asked a question that forces us to be prepared. For me it was "Where is your CV?"