a Good Life

Recently, i was asked a very surprising and humbling question "Would i be godfather to their child that they are expecting in September?". The couple that asked this question are friends that we met over the last year as our daughter's were classmates. Their request honoured me but i felt a need to express clearly my belief systems growing up as a Catholic with Hindu influences as well. Their answer to me was that for them, they wanted a guide for their child, someone the child could turn to when he or she could not turn to them. They felt i would be a great guide. I know no bigger compliment and i was truly happy to say yes.

The answer they gave me made me look back at the guides in my life and specific moments that have shaped me. One such moment was a question i was asked 17 years ago......

My father once asked me "How do you define a good life?".

I think i was 17 years old and i was driving as we headed to temple. My dad was a secure and comfortable Hindu who married a strong faithful and loving Catholic. He once told me that he married my mum because he knew she would be a great mother. He knew he wanted a big family being an only child and in the end he had four kids. He was not a religious man but he had a strong faith system. He knew that my mum would want us to be raised Catholic and he had two conditions - 1) we had to be 15 before we were baptised and we would be given a choice and 2) one of us four would rotate and follow him to temple every fortnight sunday.

We grew up with every sunday being Church day. We would get dressed and head to morning mass followed by Sunday school. We would finish just before lunch and mum would take us for branch. In all honesty, i loved those mornings. I am not especially religious but i found deep comfort in those mornings and the stories at sunday school and learning the Our Father. I think that is the first group of words that i memorised. I did not understand all of it but it calmed me. It still does.

Every 2 weeks, would be Holy Sunday. Mornings was church but on those special sundays, one of us would follow my dad to temple. Those temple journey's was where my father and i talked. As he drove, he would ask me questions and give me his thoughts. At the temple, i would light all the lamps and he would bring his hands together three times above the flame and each time raise his hands to his head. Then i would follow him always second no matter who was with us. I was comfortable with both religions but i chose to be baptised at 15. Though even at 15, i questioned the Church and its history, i found the christian concepts of universal acceptance and forgiveness appealing. At the same time, i found the Hindu concept of Karma elegant and true.

One day as i was driving (i had my license), he asked me the question above "How do you define a good life?". I cannot remember my answer and at 17 i was too impatient to hear his clearly. But i remember the question and now as i turn 35, the question motivates me. I cannot remember clearly his answer but i remember the sense of the answer - that life was about balance, commitment and growing.

But now when i think of my father's life and also my father in law i have a better understanding of that question and the answer. Both were imperfect men with imperfect lives but they LIVED. They lived by a code that was individually their own. They believed in family. They never made excuses and they lived their life the best way they knew. When they passed, they were surrounded by family, friends, staff and colleagues that shared genuine loss and respect at their passing.

Both had lived a Good Life.

As i contemplate my role as a father and godfather, i only hope that at the end of the day - i can say i HAD a Good Life.

d.