For awhile now i have had many things to say but no motivation to write then today i got a letter - a card actually written by Ilyana. She had written it and placed it inside my laptop. She wrote Dev on top of the card and underlined my name and she went on "thank you Acha you have been working so hard and thank you for saving money and buying a good school and I Love (actually was a heart) U Acha I'l see you at the night".
Oh Ilyana how i wish i was buying you a school....
And true to form i did the Kumar thing (actually its the C Gonzago gene) and teared.
I wrote a card for Ilyana thanking her and telling her how proud i am. I put it in her school bag and i hope she reads it tomorrow.
I was starting to focus again at work and unfortunately that means i lose some of my social graces (poor Yaso) as i completely get obsessed about my work. I blame the fact that i cannot multi task. But then i get a note like this which just fills me up with so much satisfaction. As i write this i smile and unfortunately feel like tearing again.
Yaso and i debated and agonised for many months before deciding to enrol Ilyana in international school and then another debate when we moved her to United World College (UWC). I was worried about her peers. Would they be too rich? and a whole lot of other questions? But as i see my beautiful girl grow not just in aptitude but more in confidence and caring, i am a very happy father.
Yaso, the school may be great but you are amazing.
d.
p/s i did finish the 5.6 in around 37 minutes. And am planning to run the 10km in KL on 28 June 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
i ran a slow 5.44km
http://www.mapmyfitness.com/run/singapore/singapore/151123920905687006
The above is the route and i did it in a slow 36 minutes. That means i was averaging about 7m for every km. A far from superior run but i must say i am proud. I started running 2 mths ago after CNY and in my first run i could only make 1km and now i have improved.
In the next week i am gonna run in the 5.6km run. My first try in an organised run.
Wish me luck
The above is the route and i did it in a slow 36 minutes. That means i was averaging about 7m for every km. A far from superior run but i must say i am proud. I started running 2 mths ago after CNY and in my first run i could only make 1km and now i have improved.
In the next week i am gonna run in the 5.6km run. My first try in an organised run.
Wish me luck
Monday, February 9, 2009
Where is your CV?
Its 1.48am and i have just finished updating my CV. It has taken me 5 months to complete it. So as i sit here feeling a sense of accomplishment i ask myself - Why the f*&k did it take so long???
From September 2008, i have had a growing sense of unease about markets and the real economy. My fears are starting to be realised. In my previous entries, i wrote about asset values falling and this has happened and it will continue to fall as long as the real economy fails to adjust to the new reality - CREDIT will not help.
What i feared the most was a massive contraction in exports and a standstill in production. This is now happening and Malaysia will face some serious negative numbers in the coming quarters. Unfortunately our politics dominates our leader's time and so many are going to be surprised by the speed of our downturn. One friend in the finance industry in Malaysia told me that he was glad that he was not in manufacturing and was in the finance industry due to the massive losses in manufaturing. This shocks me. The finance industry is an intermediary. It survives and grows because of the real economy (the years of financial engineering as a tool of growth is over as it should be). Watch as the next round of cuts in the next 3 months actually hit the service sector.
Knowing all of this and praying i am wrong - i ask myself - what do i need to do? And the answer is always the same - expect the worst, hope for the best...and BE PREPARED.
I have been focused on the financial aspects of being ready and my wife and i are striving hard to not only cover our expenses for 2009 but also 2010. BUT, thats not enough. I met a fellow banker in Singapore and on Monday, he was talking to his boss, on Wednesday his bank reported shocking numbers and on Friday he was made redundant. He had expected the worst but he was not PREPARED emotionally nor had he a plan to work from.
I met him on Monday and he told me that he had a feeling of grief and despair wash over him thru that weekend. On Sunday he woke and said i cannot let this keep me down as i have a wife, a daughter and a son. When i met him, he had a briefcase with him and he said it was full of printed CVs. Luckily, he had some internal jobs to interview from but it was a humbling experience. He proudly told me how his wife had immediately started taking action - renegotiating their lease and other measures. They both were an inspiration.
So even after this, i had asked myself what i need to do and the answer again was be prepared. In my case, moving jobs at a time like this is a risky proposition as most banks in my opinion will continue to cut head counts as economies continue to get worse. BUT, i knew i needed to know what options are out there to ensure that when the time comes, i have a plan of action. So the answer was obvious - update my CV, send it out and see what options are available if any. Be prepared.
So again, as i sit here, i ask myself why has it taken so long for me to update my cv. The simple answer is i was floating along with no direction, no plan and more importantly - i was emotionally not prepared to contemplate change when i had given so much of myself in these last 3 years.
Then tonight as i lay in bed with my wife, she asked me about my work situation and i expressed the worst case scenario that could happen. As i spoke all i wanted was for her to listen BUT she (as usual) immediately focused on the plan of action that needed to be done and asked me - 'Where is your CV?'. I was irritated, and as most married couples will tell you, that is the worst and best time to discuss issues. It was the worst because she innocently said "We all came here because of you". Anger coursed through me even as i knew that she had not meant it badly as i needed an outlet. In my anger, i grabbed my laptop, my iPod from my shelf and went out to the hall. I plugged my iPod into my player in the hall. I set up the laptop but realised i needed the charger. I went back in and being calm i went over to my wife, kissed her and she asked where you going and i replied "To finish my CV".
And so its 2.15now and i have finished my CV. Feeling this sense of calm knowing that i have now a plan in motion, i feel a great sense of gratitude to my wife. She infuriates me, she motivates me.
I am not advocating changing jobs for everyone but as we go into this period of great uncertainty i hope everyone gets asked a question that forces us to be prepared. For me it was "Where is your CV?"
From September 2008, i have had a growing sense of unease about markets and the real economy. My fears are starting to be realised. In my previous entries, i wrote about asset values falling and this has happened and it will continue to fall as long as the real economy fails to adjust to the new reality - CREDIT will not help.
What i feared the most was a massive contraction in exports and a standstill in production. This is now happening and Malaysia will face some serious negative numbers in the coming quarters. Unfortunately our politics dominates our leader's time and so many are going to be surprised by the speed of our downturn. One friend in the finance industry in Malaysia told me that he was glad that he was not in manufacturing and was in the finance industry due to the massive losses in manufaturing. This shocks me. The finance industry is an intermediary. It survives and grows because of the real economy (the years of financial engineering as a tool of growth is over as it should be). Watch as the next round of cuts in the next 3 months actually hit the service sector.
Knowing all of this and praying i am wrong - i ask myself - what do i need to do? And the answer is always the same - expect the worst, hope for the best...and BE PREPARED.
I have been focused on the financial aspects of being ready and my wife and i are striving hard to not only cover our expenses for 2009 but also 2010. BUT, thats not enough. I met a fellow banker in Singapore and on Monday, he was talking to his boss, on Wednesday his bank reported shocking numbers and on Friday he was made redundant. He had expected the worst but he was not PREPARED emotionally nor had he a plan to work from.
I met him on Monday and he told me that he had a feeling of grief and despair wash over him thru that weekend. On Sunday he woke and said i cannot let this keep me down as i have a wife, a daughter and a son. When i met him, he had a briefcase with him and he said it was full of printed CVs. Luckily, he had some internal jobs to interview from but it was a humbling experience. He proudly told me how his wife had immediately started taking action - renegotiating their lease and other measures. They both were an inspiration.
So even after this, i had asked myself what i need to do and the answer again was be prepared. In my case, moving jobs at a time like this is a risky proposition as most banks in my opinion will continue to cut head counts as economies continue to get worse. BUT, i knew i needed to know what options are out there to ensure that when the time comes, i have a plan of action. So the answer was obvious - update my CV, send it out and see what options are available if any. Be prepared.
So again, as i sit here, i ask myself why has it taken so long for me to update my cv. The simple answer is i was floating along with no direction, no plan and more importantly - i was emotionally not prepared to contemplate change when i had given so much of myself in these last 3 years.
Then tonight as i lay in bed with my wife, she asked me about my work situation and i expressed the worst case scenario that could happen. As i spoke all i wanted was for her to listen BUT she (as usual) immediately focused on the plan of action that needed to be done and asked me - 'Where is your CV?'. I was irritated, and as most married couples will tell you, that is the worst and best time to discuss issues. It was the worst because she innocently said "We all came here because of you". Anger coursed through me even as i knew that she had not meant it badly as i needed an outlet. In my anger, i grabbed my laptop, my iPod from my shelf and went out to the hall. I plugged my iPod into my player in the hall. I set up the laptop but realised i needed the charger. I went back in and being calm i went over to my wife, kissed her and she asked where you going and i replied "To finish my CV".
And so its 2.15now and i have finished my CV. Feeling this sense of calm knowing that i have now a plan in motion, i feel a great sense of gratitude to my wife. She infuriates me, she motivates me.
I am not advocating changing jobs for everyone but as we go into this period of great uncertainty i hope everyone gets asked a question that forces us to be prepared. For me it was "Where is your CV?"
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
WHERE WE AT?
I believe i am at fear/depression and so are markets. Where do you think we are?? Please answer in the poll on the left.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I Teared
I teared as i saw the crowds in the cold
as they stood at the foot of Lincoln
as they the faced the House as one man
faced it and said "I have a dream"
i saw hope
I teared as i saw two beautiful girls
one in regal blue and another in orangey pink
with bright smiles and joyous walk
the older slim and curious with camera
the younger bright and striking face
i saw my daughters
I teared as the Lady reached a hand
to squeeze the shoulder of the one
in love and in support as prayers were
thrown to protect their greatest gift,
their family
i saw my family
I teared as he recited the oath
with nervousness as the Lady smiled
next to him, a knowing smile
knowing him
i saw my wife
I teared as i heard him take the oath
as the words, i have heard before
as my father recited for me to follow
in fraternity, we shared
i remembered my father
I teared then when he spoke not as
a politician should, but as a Leader
that as we face crisis where data so
shocks and numbs, the greater loss
is the loss of hope, and the failure to overcome
i thought of friends who have lost jobs
i teared when he spoke with force, that
the time for hard choices is at hand
the time for leisure has passed
that we can hope, we can overcome
with belief in you, your family and together
with compassion and love, gifts all
i cherish my mother
i teared as his intelligence and strength
flowed with eloquence and detail
with words for a nation to be proud
and for nations to admire and hope
words to share, but not there to hear
i missed my father and father
i teared for it was a historic day
a great day, a wonderful dawn
d.
as they stood at the foot of Lincoln
as they the faced the House as one man
faced it and said "I have a dream"
i saw hope
I teared as i saw two beautiful girls
one in regal blue and another in orangey pink
with bright smiles and joyous walk
the older slim and curious with camera
the younger bright and striking face
i saw my daughters
I teared as the Lady reached a hand
to squeeze the shoulder of the one
in love and in support as prayers were
thrown to protect their greatest gift,
their family
i saw my family
I teared as he recited the oath
with nervousness as the Lady smiled
next to him, a knowing smile
knowing him
i saw my wife
I teared as i heard him take the oath
as the words, i have heard before
as my father recited for me to follow
in fraternity, we shared
i remembered my father
I teared then when he spoke not as
a politician should, but as a Leader
that as we face crisis where data so
shocks and numbs, the greater loss
is the loss of hope, and the failure to overcome
i thought of friends who have lost jobs
i teared when he spoke with force, that
the time for hard choices is at hand
the time for leisure has passed
that we can hope, we can overcome
with belief in you, your family and together
with compassion and love, gifts all
i cherish my mother
i teared as his intelligence and strength
flowed with eloquence and detail
with words for a nation to be proud
and for nations to admire and hope
words to share, but not there to hear
i missed my father and father
i teared for it was a historic day
a great day, a wonderful dawn
d.
Friday, January 9, 2009
I am running a half marathon?
WHAAATTTT...you say?
Well it started with a conversation with my wife where she related how her friend's husband was gonna run a marathon. Then this guy trains and makes only 27km in his training. On the day he runs the full 42km in 5 and half hours...a very decent time. I jokingly said i could run a half marathon and she scoffed. She scoffed!!!!!
So i told her i would run the half marathon in 2009....why the hell did i say half marathon...there is a 10km which would have been fine. But half marathon it is.
Then a few days ago i mentioned to a friend at work that i would run the half marathon. Another guy heard this and found it so amusing he posted it on our regional chatroom. It became a topic of discussion for a full hour. Then my big boss saw the posting and after laughing he came up to me and said I WILL TRAIN WITH YOU.
So on Wednesday we set up a run for friday from the office. We used this cool website called MapMyRun that mapped our run and gave us the distance the run covers. A glorious 5km.
Well today i ran.
My brain told me i had the confidence to complete, my heart said i had the courage,....too bad they could not convince my overweight body and asthamatic lungs. Well the good news is made 2km and then my calfs tightened and i felt like someone had grabbed the muscles in my lower back and was twisting it (like squeezing water out of a towel). TO put it bluntly, a very unpleasant experience.
Thankfully my boss did not make it. I was with my chain smoking colleagues Kevin S and Kevin C. As we ran, i was breathless and these two jokers were talking about work and they just ran and ran. Bloody singaporeans. They ran 6km, finished, drank their 100 plus and had two smokes each and said lets go. Bloody singaporeans.
So i have told my daughter, its ok to find things tough but you keep going...so the good news is i now know i am seriously f&)*ed in terms of my running capability and am fully motivated to complete this run.
So next friday, i run again with the two kevin's.
Well it started with a conversation with my wife where she related how her friend's husband was gonna run a marathon. Then this guy trains and makes only 27km in his training. On the day he runs the full 42km in 5 and half hours...a very decent time. I jokingly said i could run a half marathon and she scoffed. She scoffed!!!!!
So i told her i would run the half marathon in 2009....why the hell did i say half marathon...there is a 10km which would have been fine. But half marathon it is.
Then a few days ago i mentioned to a friend at work that i would run the half marathon. Another guy heard this and found it so amusing he posted it on our regional chatroom. It became a topic of discussion for a full hour. Then my big boss saw the posting and after laughing he came up to me and said I WILL TRAIN WITH YOU.
So on Wednesday we set up a run for friday from the office. We used this cool website called MapMyRun that mapped our run and gave us the distance the run covers. A glorious 5km.
Well today i ran.
My brain told me i had the confidence to complete, my heart said i had the courage,....too bad they could not convince my overweight body and asthamatic lungs. Well the good news is made 2km and then my calfs tightened and i felt like someone had grabbed the muscles in my lower back and was twisting it (like squeezing water out of a towel). TO put it bluntly, a very unpleasant experience.
Thankfully my boss did not make it. I was with my chain smoking colleagues Kevin S and Kevin C. As we ran, i was breathless and these two jokers were talking about work and they just ran and ran. Bloody singaporeans. They ran 6km, finished, drank their 100 plus and had two smokes each and said lets go. Bloody singaporeans.
So i have told my daughter, its ok to find things tough but you keep going...so the good news is i now know i am seriously f&)*ed in terms of my running capability and am fully motivated to complete this run.
So next friday, i run again with the two kevin's.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Can you name your top 10?
Recently i realised that my conversations keep revolving around my expectations that the crisis we are about to face in 2009 will be worse than the Asian crisis in 1998. And i kept asking the question - if i lost my job, can i get thru 2009. And more importantly i asked all my friends and family the same question.
I am sure that i will come back to this topic in time to come. BUT, for now, i am tired of the bad news or in spreading bad news. So i am asking a whole set of different questions?
CAN you name your top ten Movies?
Someone asked me this question and i was genuinely stumped. So as i lay here with my usual bout of insomnia (i have mastered the knack of typing while lying down)...i have looked to answer this question.
In no particular order -
1. The Godfather trilogy - WHY? coz no other movie has so many scenes that are classic and timeless. From, Michael Corleone telling the Sicilian father - Would you rather gain a son or your daughter lose a father? OR being hit by the thunderbolt and the wedding night scene....or in two when he shuts the door on Kay (no lines but potrays michaels fall from grace or when he kisses fredo and says i know it was you..i know it was you. TO Robert De Nero with one finger wagging calmly or the classic - every time i try to get out, they pull me back in. . 1 was Michael's loss of innocence, 2 was his fall from grace and 3 was his fight for redemption. Definitely one of the best trilogies of all time. (3 was not great but it rounded the stories well and brought it full circle). The greatest ensemble cast of all time.
2. HEAT for the most amazing cafe scene with Robert De Nero and AL Pacino. I can never remember the actual dialogue but they sizzled.
3. True Romance, Tarantino's best script ever (written with Avery something). From the touching roof top scene with Patricia Arquette and Christian Slater...to Brad Pitt's stoner cameo to the most brutal fight scene between Patricia Arquette and James Gandolfini (Tony Soprano) in his malicious best and the best - Christopher Walken and Dennis Hopper in a glorious scene where dennis hopper gets tortured and disses Sicilians with Walken getting more angry. This movie would make my top 5 any day.
4. The Highlander - only the 1. Please destroy the sequels. The Highlander had a touch of low budget but had a great fantasy story - mysticism, mystery, a great villain (the best in my mind). And two lines stand out - there can be only one AND its better to burn out than to fade away.
5. Last of the Mohicans - ok i have to admit Madeline Stowe in this movie was hot BUT who could not love the heroes and their sacrifices. Daniel Day Lewis running to save Madeline and viciously fighting his way thru with two axes. Uncas laying his hand on his father before he gives chase to save the sister. He dying at the hands of the Indian mohawk (another great character) or the Sister jumping to join Uncas. Uncas father with his huge axe running, diving and killing the Mohawk in 3 swings. I am a fan of the book and although they took great liberties in the movie - the sense of the time and the heroes were well potrayed. Another great movie and i swear the best date movie of all time.
6. Bram Stoker's Dracula. I know this is an odd choice but i watched this movie when Winona was the light (remember the light, P). I found it sexy and the final redemption touching. Dont forget Monica Belucci's cameo...damn. Best scene - Dracula in blue Lennon rimmed sunglasses looking at Winona - Look at me, Look at me.
7. Leon - another great cast of characters from the deranged cop, the immaculate assassin, the above her age revenge filled kid...everything worked and the ending superb.
8. The Field of Dreams - who can forget If y0u build it, they will come. A most unassuming and surprising movie but one where you could not help smiling and feeling good after the movie.
9. The Untouchables - the train scene was De Palma's greatest movie masterpiece and of course robert deniro's famous - Fark you and your Family.... or sean connery's massacre and death scene. A great movie with one of the best scores ever.
10. SevEN - the bravest movie of all time where there is no happy ending and introduced the amazing kevin spacey with freeman and pitt playing their roles perfectly. The head in the box was just so damn classic. And the ending line one of the best in movie history - "Dante wrote, the world is a beautiful place and worth fighting for - freeman overtone...i believe in the second part.
I am sure that i will come back to this topic in time to come. BUT, for now, i am tired of the bad news or in spreading bad news. So i am asking a whole set of different questions?
CAN you name your top ten Movies?
Someone asked me this question and i was genuinely stumped. So as i lay here with my usual bout of insomnia (i have mastered the knack of typing while lying down)...i have looked to answer this question.
In no particular order -
1. The Godfather trilogy - WHY? coz no other movie has so many scenes that are classic and timeless. From, Michael Corleone telling the Sicilian father - Would you rather gain a son or your daughter lose a father? OR being hit by the thunderbolt and the wedding night scene....or in two when he shuts the door on Kay (no lines but potrays michaels fall from grace or when he kisses fredo and says i know it was you..i know it was you. TO Robert De Nero with one finger wagging calmly or the classic - every time i try to get out, they pull me back in. . 1 was Michael's loss of innocence, 2 was his fall from grace and 3 was his fight for redemption. Definitely one of the best trilogies of all time. (3 was not great but it rounded the stories well and brought it full circle). The greatest ensemble cast of all time.
2. HEAT for the most amazing cafe scene with Robert De Nero and AL Pacino. I can never remember the actual dialogue but they sizzled.
3. True Romance, Tarantino's best script ever (written with Avery something). From the touching roof top scene with Patricia Arquette and Christian Slater...to Brad Pitt's stoner cameo to the most brutal fight scene between Patricia Arquette and James Gandolfini (Tony Soprano) in his malicious best and the best - Christopher Walken and Dennis Hopper in a glorious scene where dennis hopper gets tortured and disses Sicilians with Walken getting more angry. This movie would make my top 5 any day.
4. The Highlander - only the 1. Please destroy the sequels. The Highlander had a touch of low budget but had a great fantasy story - mysticism, mystery, a great villain (the best in my mind). And two lines stand out - there can be only one AND its better to burn out than to fade away.
5. Last of the Mohicans - ok i have to admit Madeline Stowe in this movie was hot BUT who could not love the heroes and their sacrifices. Daniel Day Lewis running to save Madeline and viciously fighting his way thru with two axes. Uncas laying his hand on his father before he gives chase to save the sister. He dying at the hands of the Indian mohawk (another great character) or the Sister jumping to join Uncas. Uncas father with his huge axe running, diving and killing the Mohawk in 3 swings. I am a fan of the book and although they took great liberties in the movie - the sense of the time and the heroes were well potrayed. Another great movie and i swear the best date movie of all time.
6. Bram Stoker's Dracula. I know this is an odd choice but i watched this movie when Winona was the light (remember the light, P). I found it sexy and the final redemption touching. Dont forget Monica Belucci's cameo...damn. Best scene - Dracula in blue Lennon rimmed sunglasses looking at Winona - Look at me, Look at me.
7. Leon - another great cast of characters from the deranged cop, the immaculate assassin, the above her age revenge filled kid...everything worked and the ending superb.
8. The Field of Dreams - who can forget If y0u build it, they will come. A most unassuming and surprising movie but one where you could not help smiling and feeling good after the movie.
9. The Untouchables - the train scene was De Palma's greatest movie masterpiece and of course robert deniro's famous - Fark you and your Family.... or sean connery's massacre and death scene. A great movie with one of the best scores ever.
10. SevEN - the bravest movie of all time where there is no happy ending and introduced the amazing kevin spacey with freeman and pitt playing their roles perfectly. The head in the box was just so damn classic. And the ending line one of the best in movie history - "Dante wrote, the world is a beautiful place and worth fighting for - freeman overtone...i believe in the second part.
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